Have you ever tried the whole sniff-and-swirl thing, only to wind up with the contents of your whiskey glass on your shirt and up your nose?

Yeah, me too.

Or what if I told you the whiskey I’m drinking has “subtle hints of mahogany that unfold with an explosion of smoldering embers”? 

Don’t worry, I wouldn’t say that. Because I couldn’t tell you what any of that means.

Ask me to describe the nose and palate of whiskey, I’ll tell you: “It smells and tastes like whiskey.” 

But we’ve all encountered that guy who’s really eager to broadcast that their taste in whiskey is better than yours.

You know the kind: They’ll tell you whatever you’re drinking is mass-produced swill. They assault your ears with ramblings about yeast strains and barrel char levels. They tasted Pappy Van Winkle once and can’t shut up about it 14 years later.

Still, beating a snob at their own game can be fun. Or maybe you just want your friends to think you know what you’re talking about.

Whatever your motivation, here’s how to pretend like you’re a whiskey snob in five easy steps.

Memorize these words

You need to master a little lingo before you do your most dramatic sniff, followed by a slow-motion sip. Fake your way to snob status by throwing out these descriptors whenever you drink 

• “Complex.” This means the whiskey has many layers of flavors and aromas. This guide to common terminology says a complex whiskey isn’t always best, but whatever. Throw around the word “complex” often, and everyone will think you’re an expert.

• “Velvety.” This means it goes down smoothly and doesn’t burn. Have you ever tasted Fireball? Because I’m pretty sure “velvety” is the opposite of that.

• “Sublime.” This is just a sophisticated way to say that you really, really like what you’re drinking.

• “Funky.” Though definitions of “funk” vary in the world of whiskey, I’m pretty sure you just use this term when you really, really don’t like what you’re drinking.

• “Unmistakeable.” When you aren’t sure what you’re drinking, pull out some obscure flavor and stick the word “unmistakable” in front of it. Example: “It has unmistakeable notes of black licorice, marzipan and burnt sugar.”

Ask pretentious questions

You know how annoying it is when someone peppers you with obscure questions just to flex their advanced knowledge? This is the fast track to achieving whiskey snobbery. Examples:

• Is this a single malt or blended? You only drink single malts, of course.

• Have you tried the cask-strength version? You’ve tried it, and you find that this diluted nonsense loses its authenticity.

• Was this distilled in a column still or a pot still? You don’t have to care about the answer. You’re only asking to show off.

Pretend you’ve never put ice in a beverage

To the whiskey snob, asking for ice in your beverage is akin to requesting a bottle of ketchup at a fancy steakhouse. While many aficionados prefer their whiskeys neat, it’s also acceptable to add a few drops of water, as long as you declare: “A few drops of water really opens things up.”

Pregame if necessary

Enthusiasts only care about the craftsmanship, the art, the experience of drinking whiskey. They aren’t in this to get drunk, OK?

You’ll need to sip, rather than guzzle, if you don’t want to risk looking like an amateur. So pace yourself accordingly. You may want to preparty with a whiskey or three so you can get your buzz on before you switch to sipping.

Practice the art of one-upmanship

No matter how delicious the beverage in front of you is, you’ve had something better. 

Drinking a great new release of bourbon? Yeah, it’s good, but have they tried the limited release from five years earlier? It’s impossible to get your hands on now, but it was simply sublime.

Sipping on Scotch? Whatever you’re drinking is decent, but it can’t compare to The Macallan you had while staying at a castle in Scotland. Never had a passport? Lie.

Don’t follow these tips on the regular

Playing snob for one night may be fun, but don’t make it a habit. The best whiskey memories are made when you’re not talking about whiskey.

So whether you take your whiskey neat (or double neat!), on the rocks, with water, blended, or in a cocktail, drink what you like. The people worth drinking with don’t care if you’re an aficionado.